The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

So! I will give it straight- I wished for a different perspective for everyone this new year, and i was blessed with one too! It was a sudden thing. I don't know what happened. Maybe its something to do with my "pace" the time it takes for my self to internalize and realize things for real, even though i know them already for a long time. But yes it happened. One evening/night i was depressed, thought i usually end up crying to vent out this evening i cried only a little bit and then realized that the hurt and all those things i so clutched to my chest are not there any more.. I didn't feel heavy, though was a little sad. I slept off that night and the next morning when i got up i felt like a different person! I didn't have to depend on anyone the previous night, i didn't talk to the usual people nor did i look for it. I felt self-sufficient in all aspect, though i always was, this feeling was a truly liberating one. And it had nothing to do with any big change or event in life! the next day was eventful. I enjoyed every bit of it, including a goodbye.
The evening was an unexpected one. I was totally a different self. I didn't do that one thing i always do and end up more sad. The most important part is i didn't even feel like doing it. i was just so happy with my own company and the friends around that i didn't need anyone else. I felt at peace. Truly. And then i got something i always wanted. Though the source from where i got it was a little different that what i had imagined. But then with my new realization i decided to go with it, and i haven't been disappointed so far.
My philosophy of looking beyond appearances has truly been put to test and, I'm happy to say, has passed with flying colors! :D :) Connections always happen, sometimes hidden beneath a lot of baggage or at times different life styles and just the fact that two people involved are very different from each other! All you need is a knee eye and an open heart (like i always say), courage and hope to give it a go. To just take what life has in store and what life offers you takes a lot more courage and is much more difficult that what it sounds like. It does not mean not doing anything and letting things happen. It means actually accepting what is happening. :) Even if its not what you had wanted initially. Thats a big deal! :) My new perspective is going well so far.. What bout you? Any learning or epiphanies early in the year?! :D

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