The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

You will have to tell me.
Plain and simple..
Tell me that you are him.
The one i waited for all these years..
The one looking for whom i got my heart broken a multitude of times..
If you are him then, you are gonna have to tell me, cause i won't be able to recognise you now..
My eyes are blurred you see.. From the shards stuck in them..
I'm trying to clean up.. But it takes time..
Would you be a darling and just tell me if its you?
Hold my hand and guide me to your heart?
For if I'm not able to recognise you, most probably i'll turn my back thinking you are another heartbreak in the path..
So just grab me by the shoulders and knock some sense into me.. Wake me up and tell me its you.

She gave him the temptation of working in the UK and he fell for it. He was a child in some ways, just like her, and maybe that helped him. Maybe he wasn't quite the way he portrayed himself to be, but she was exactly as she showed herself to be. She thought he would eventually fall in love with her but it wasn't to be. She thought maybe they will separate but still have some intimate relationship. She was mistaken. they both got married. It was beautiful for her. It was her second marriage and yet was more beautiful. Maybe because she felt more in tune with him. But somewhere she harbored the fear that she was mistaken again. Mistakes didn't seem to let go of her, and so her judgement was quite muddled. Now she just went with the flow, didn't even stop to evaluate. Maybe he only married her for UK? Maybe he didn't. Yes he was too attached to his career and himself than any other person or thing. And his career did flourish. Only, with it his love did too.
Somehow he never caught anyone's fancy the way all the girls caught her other lovers' fancies. And so she was back here, flying back every chance, rather, every craving she got!
She had learnt it all and yet she had to go there for it. She didn't need to. She could make it at home or summon the best of the lot to whip it up for her at the click of her fingers. Yet there was something about the taste there, it wasn't even the same person making it, to say that it could be the person. She knew it was the place. It has been years since the first time she went there.
It was the first time she was away from home, back then. Not a trip/vacation but for a long duration. She had moved to the city. She was supposed to meet a friend at some lounge and ended up going into another one right next to it. She waited at the bar and was about to order a drink, and that's when she saw him and he spoke to her. He even mixed that drink for her if she remembered correctly, even when it wasn't his job..
Its been years, she has wrinkles now. But her love for cocktails stays, like it was since before she met him.. Meeting him accelerated her cravings and desires to study them and enjoy them profusely. And no matter what an acclaimed mixologist she became after her short stint in IT, in her own eyes, she just couldn't match up to that one cocktail rather two to the first time she had them, or even some consecutive times. She had the proportions right, from the inventor of the mix himself and also the person who had first mixed them for her. She figured it was something about the place itself. And so she flew there each time she had a craving for those delicious stunning mixes. No matter where on the face of earth she was. All the staff was new but they knew she was to be treated like royalty not just for her fame but for her history with the place.
She wondered where people who were there at that time were now. Some of them are in touch still, some just disappeared somewhere in the deep web of the hospitality industry. As she took a sip of the Medusa, the fatigue of the UK flight slowly started settling in.. The ghosts had just started peering from below the bar.. It was going to be a long night..