The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

There are hooks of all kinds..
I feel them deep in the flesh..
Some gorging on the flesh of my body
Some hanging off the flesh of my soul
Some have left long ago and yet their shadows linger as strongly as their vice like grip
They grab and clutch and never let go..
They trap me back in their grasp
They plunge me back into the wet darkness of their needs..
Perhaps needs which were my own..
Or is it their unfulfilled desire?
They pull me back into a deep bottomless vortex nonetheless..
Where all semblance of sunshine disappears
And the walls of thick smoke close in..
Filling my lungs, throat and eyes..
The brains numbs and the glitter tinkles away..
Blinded and parched i stumble around
It becomes a physical reality than the spring in the air.
The fight inside slowly awakens..
The desire to live surmounting all else..
The hooks will let go slows, perhaps leave some deep scars..
Trophies of a life lived..
Of love given..
Hooks are meant for life.. once you let them in..

You will accept me, wont you?
I will walk on your streets
Lanes and by lanes
I will explore your nook and cranny
I have cried and I've laughed, right here in your arms
You will accept me as one of your own, wont you?
I look out the window and I find you a little closer to me than you were yesterday
I feel your concrete structures offer me solace as tear races after tear in a frantic attempt to reach my lap..
Your deep blue sky peeps in too.. Looks a bit worried to me..
I see your darkened corners..
And mud laden trees..
They try on wrinkled smiles.. Aged before their time had come..
Their young hearts trying to find something to help them break free..
So much like me..
I will find your heart... You have already inched closer to mine..
Will you accept me then when I let you in completely?

Its been Karna. For me. Always. For all the reasons that he was himself. And for all that he did being himself! He knew right from the get go. He knew what he was doing and why. He knew the right apart from the wrong. And he made his choices nonetheless for his reasons. There could've been guilt but he was aware of that too! Could he have chosen better? Perhaps, but he knew that too! He never wavered. He was broken, exhausted, taken advantage of and what not! but he stood his ground. I love him for who he is. I say is cause he lives on.. Karna for me, always. :)