The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

So a little analogy about how people walk separate. Consider a fly, randomly flying around sniffing at stuff, cleaning herself, and generally thriving happily, looking for a fruit she can settle into. She keeps running into many of them, some she likes some she doesn't. Then one day she finds a fruit she thinks she likes, so she goes on it. Its a nice fruit warm sweet cozy. So she settles down in it. She spends a lot of quality time being in it. The more time she spends the deeper she goes into it. And that is something she likes. After considerably time however something starts itching her. So she scratches it as a normal reflex, and it becomes OK. Life continues, but then another day the itch returns, a little more intensely, so she scratches again! This time however she is a bit wary. Though she consoles herself that its probably nothing to worry about. As she goes deeper the itch intensifies and so does the frequency. She thinks of talking to the fruit and does too. But the fruit is at a loss of what is happening. The fly can't take it any more. The fruit tries to make her comfortable cause obviously it likes her too, but it can't change its nature or cut parts of itself out! So its all in vain. The fly has to decide whether to keep scratching and bleeding and to leave. The fruit is sad but it can't see the fly dying each minute. So it leaves her free to make a decision. Sadly but with some hope and very painfully the fly extracts herself from the fruit. She is covered with it from top to bottom, and it weighs down on her. Her wings which she had prepared to never use again are all soggy and stuck. Slowly she walks away from the fruit.. Its painful but it needs to be done or she would've lost herself to some other kind of pain- the pain of not being able to be herself. She still loves the fruit and it loves her too, but they both know this needs to be done. She will find herself clean in sometimes, the heaviness will disappear and her wings will be crisp and sparkly soon, for her to take high flights as she used to. It will take time but she will gradually heal herself..
Sometimes, the fly sits in the fruit for this long or sometimes just for some time for the itch to set in. Some times even less amount of time can bring a large amount of baggage, depending on the kind of fruit and the kind of fly. If the fly is fragile any kind of fruit and less amount of time might bring stickiness. If the fruit is too mushy then any kind of fly will get stuck for longer and even if it doesn't there might still be heaviness.
Finding the right combination of fruit and fly is what relationships are all about. Hurt will be there no matter what, till you find the right fruit or fly. Sometimes the itch is temporary and not life threatening. Sometimes a little scratching helps, or just ignoring it might help too!
Its all about trying to understand what is happening and being on the same page with your fruit or fly! :)
So go on be fearless, be truthful, be brave, love, live! What else is there to it? ;) Don't be scared of the itch or soggy wings or impressions left by your fly.. Take your flight and plunge in, accept someone into you!! :)

You fit into me..
The gaps between my fingers..
The curve between my shoulder and chin..
You fit, warm and cozy..
There is no hurry, a sense of calm and peace engulfs us..
When you fit into me..
The swish of my waist..
The odd angle of my elbows..
Even my crooked nose..
You fit into me..
Through the wilderness of our pasts, here we have come to a haven.. Together yours and mine..
This moment in time.. This expanse that we've built with ourselves..
Of who we really are..
Without pretenses..
This post card of memories..
Where you fit into me perfectly..
The space behind my ear..
And the one between my lips..
As our eyes droop slowly to the intoxicating melody of the moonlight
And open crinkled by the tinkle of sunshine..
I find myself entangled in you..
As you fit into me..

Building up a house of cards. Carefully selecting a Queen and a King then an Ace and a Jack to go with them. Its the thing about queens and kings, an allure about them.. The aces have their own high place.. Its the jacks who do the work and are never given the acknowledgement, least said about the other cards, the better. So i started building a house of cards. Slowly and steadily. It went up high, I was thrilled as i kept adding cards upon cards. I could see it was beautiful, serene.. Then there was a light breeze.. It was refreshing since i was a little tried building this house of cards for myself. I was also waiting to see when it can be finally fit for me to stop and admire it. So the breeze was welcome, i closed my eyes to feel it caress my tired face and neck.. And in that fraction the house of cards lay flat on the floor. Hours and hours of careful hard-work it took to build my perfect house of cards and one light tiny breeze was all it took for the house to fall back. It didn't even put up a fight, it just fell. Disregarding my love and efforts.. And that when i realized, it was all just an illusion. Building delicate things like house of cards will eventually result in them falling flat. Its in their nature.. However, the sooner they fall the better it is. Disillusionment is the gift they bring in their falling. So that is what you can be thankful for.. No harm in building them, just know it, and be prepared for the gift. You never know which house might turn out to be of cards..

I have a tornado in my pocket
It likes to get out once in a while
I have a tornado in my pocket
And i think it is quite tamed
Unlike the dragon in my heart
Or atleast so it makes me feel
I have a tornado in my pocket
Which makes me zoom about at times
It takes me high up with it
And when it is bored with my weight it drops me smacking back down!
I have a pet tornado in my pocket
It likes me i think
Cause i sure love it!