The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

So this is how it goes down, i assume.

Imagine yourself at a jolly lively colorful fair. You are there with your besties look around, laughing, trying out stuff and in general having fun.. Out of the blue a lovely attractive person comes up to you. They have a bowl of delicious looking candies or whatever it is that might catch your fancy. They start a conversation and slowly without asking or offering put the delectable goodies in your mouth. You are startled at first but obviously pleasantly. The things offered are nice, indeed, and some are even stuff that you really wanted or love! You are not expected to pay for it or give anything in return. An attachment develops as their seductive eyes hold yours. You don't even notice that as the pile of goodies in the basket starts dwindling the person's appears becomes more and more starved, but the enchanting smile stays on holding yours. You don't even notice the stuff depleting. Then when the basket in empty, they ask you for something back. You are taken aback. You were not expecting this. It makes sense to give something back but you don't know what? The attachment is strong so you don't want to turn them down, but you are at a loss of what to do! You do want the stuff they have on offer but now since its over they can't do much about it. They tell you that you can give them anything like they did, it needn't be something they've always wanted, just something to keep the magic basket alive and full. You try a bit but it doesn't seem to be enough, the basket seems to have developed a hole and everything seems to be falling out! Even they don't want to let go and so keep pushing you. You start noticing other things in the fair. Slowly your attention falters, but they seem quite stuck there, with you. You don't understand why you have to give back when you didn't ask for anything in the first place, then the guilty conscience sets in. You should give back if you took. But that doesn't help the fact that possible you don't want to give or you don't know what to give. The person's patience is low, they start getting agitated, and what seems like a blissful oblivion a while back starts becoming something nasty. You want to get out of there. And that's where it all starts falling to pieces.

This is just a perspective on the give and take in a relationship. Linking to expectations, when you give you shouldn't expect anything back unless you have made sure that there would be something else in return. If you want to give cause that makes you happy then you can't expect the other person to give something back! There is your expectation mismatch. And all this is in your head. You don't ask the person if they can give back , cause thats not how giving works. Its over time that you realise you have given out too much, you still want to but then you are left with nothing to give. Its kind of a weird circle. Understanding the act of giving, which is actually quite simple, become difficult when we get blinded by our needs. Understanding the other person, their expectations and capabilities and matching them with ours is important if you want to continue together. If you realise they aren't matching, its better to pause and take measure before letting yourself get burnt out and then blaming others for the things they never agreed to in the first place. Ideas and way of showing love are another aspect. Everyone has their own way. Its important to understand what yours are and what you expect than to just jump into something without thinking. Then again, if we all could think and fall in love, it wouldn't be love would it ;) However it does apply to the next stage of love which is a "relationship" if you want to have one. Then you need to decide what kind of a relationship you want! Too much math isn't it?
But then who cares! Go out there, fall, get hurt and get back up.. And in the process don't forget to enjoy yourself!! :D :D Give all you want and take whatever comes your way!