The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

Is it love if it needs to be affirmed repeatedly? Is it love if it does not affirm itself? Tricky business isn't it? Insecurity requires affirmations.. And when insecurity is overcome affirmations are no longer required. But wouldn't it be nice to get affirmations of love even when there is no insecurity?
What is an affirmation of love? Is it the presence of the person, loving words, a glance, a caress, a materialistic gift, a normal casual conversation, a fight, saying the words repeatedly or saying it just once? Is it need to say it repeatedly? And if you don't, does it mean you don't love anymore? Or just nothing.. Does nothing account for an affirmation of love? Doing and saying nothing? Who knows..

Recently a very close friend of mine told me I would always be special to him. I asked why? He asked if it was necessary to elaborate. I said it would be nice if he did cause I've never heard anyone elaborate anything about how n what they feel for me.. And after that the words he said pierced me so much that i almost regretted asking him.. It made me wonder why such things happen. Why couldn't i give back the same amount of love to people who did genuinely love me? Why didn't i feel the same way for them. But I'm glad they remain close to me.. I carry them in my heart always. Coming back, such an affirmation of love expressed maybe only once in life would be enough to sustain two people perhaps..

Of late all my conceptions of love n romance have been put to the test.. And so I'm left with absolutely no idea of what to expect and if the things I've always wanted would ever happen.. But that's me digressing.. Do you know what an affirmation of love is? Something to think about? :)

where are you my love? its been so long.. so long that you where here right besides me.. loving caresses.. playful teasing.. day in and day out.. what happened this time? its been so long that you drenched m right to my soul.. so much that i had you inside me! in my very being.. i crave for you.. why are you so half hearted this time around? your glory seems shunned as if your heart isn't into it anymore.. waiting for you to pour.. to flood me and take me away into raptures.. pour down my darling.. atleast for her.. atleast i will get to see you, feel you, be with you.. you came for her even before i existed.. n now you seem distant, careworn.. i longed for you and im still longing this time.. there is the promise i see it everyday and yet you don't arrive.. restore my faith.. i need you.. i love you.. drench me to my bones.. fill me up.. i'm waiting.. come along now.. even if it is for her that you come.. lets bring back the hapiness again.. let me hold your hand it will be alright my love.. you were there for me always n now i am here for you..