The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

After going through life non-stop, taking whatever it offers you without thinking again, just throwing yourself into whatever you have at hand, when a sudden lag comes about.. When an eerie sort of quiet falls over your ears.. Not due to the lack of noise around, but due to the quietening of this constant buzzing in your head. Its not peace. In no way is it peaceful. Its more unnerving and scary.. Its restless. Not that I've never been restless but that always has been cause i knew what i wanted and cause i was trying to work towards it. At times like these, i don't know if i've had this before though, i'm left dumbstruck. Having done all sorts of things, good, bad, things i never thought i would, raging around, fighting, yelling, being crazy, being in love, being loved, being just about everything and everyone, now this sudden lack of activity is intimidating! Am i someone who is scared of quiet? Definitely not! But this is not of my own doing. It is the "situation" that has forced this quiet inside me! Its not even inside me actually. Its wanting to go inside. Everything outside of work seems to go in a perfect tandem like its supposed to for someone at the stage i am in life. I need to have multiple things buzzing at my head to keep me going. That's my poison. I "NEED" to multitask!
This quiet makes me look back at things. Things i've looked back at so many times. But now those things make me look at myself. I'm left craving for things.. Things from my early years.. Like the quiet in the afternoons when the city wasn't a cement jungle.. When people used to close shops in the afternoon and have a siesta. When we used to visit relatives in the city and it used to feel far off! I miss sitting in a temple porch in some village listening to the natives' lazy banter. I miss so many simple things in life.. Which are not there anymore.. Just about.. I hate this modernization as much as i love it. It makes me wish i was born earlier. It keeps me longing for something deep inside me which i can't fathom!
It is time to reconcile with myself it seems. Its time to get out in the open again. To take a leap of faith. To risk it all once more. I feel like a slave bound to a master only cause i'm getting all i need for living.. But am i alive? The question is haunting me each moment. I feel like running away right this moment! A small break, a vacation is not going to do it for me. It is lack of activity yes. But its not the lack of an extra activity, its about who i am and who i want to be! Its about what i love and enjoy doing!
Writing here after ages, and now i know why! :) My dear unstable atom, you are the most stable trustworthy friend ever! Thank you! :* :)

Cheers all! Until next time, whenever that will be, hopefully soon..

CP- Go girl, do what makes you happy, we are with you
BP- Yo! Where you huh?
No go, no come, no see, no do? huh?
CP- where have you been now?
BP- HAIR! i've been hair all the time nooo.. :D :D :P :P ehehha!! lauu youss boths!
CP- yeah well.