The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

Adieu is a farewell.. Its not au revior which means see you later. Au revoir is usually in our hands, in the hands of the person saying it and to whom it is being said. Adieu is in the hands of god. When the person saying it does not know if or when he/she will see the other person again. Usually its a good bye.. Till such a time that god sees fit, if at all.
So here is an adieu.. From The Unstable Atom to everyone. Her readers from the virtual world. Its a sorrow that i've to say good bye.
I will leave you with reasons though, unlike some of us who just go away leaving things unsaid, and lives unlived.
The Atom changed a lot in the past two years just like i did. The inspiration for most of the writing has been love- The pain and joy from love, also some things which i observed around.. Has generally been about my perspective of the world.
However, life now seems to be stuck in a limbo and there is nothing but frustration abound within. I'm at a place where even if i want to change the way i feel i can't and i don't quite believe in fooling myself or manipulating my feelings! So, nothing i do helps and so doesn't make any sense to write any more, since there is nothing coming out of this state of mind. The Atom has been by my side whenever i've needed a friend, someone to vent feelings out to when there was no human around to do so. Its been my voice when there was no other way to communicate. The atom is very dear and sacred to me, and so i don't want to spoil her sanctity any more than i already have in the past few days/months where i've done her no justice. I've been more unstable than ever in my decisions and thoughts. And even if the atom is unstable, it is not to such a level where she starts to wonder who she is. She was never at a place where she felt her words cannot convey anything or are just causing more and more trouble than solving any, where her words started losing their importance or appeal and only drove people away! The Atom is a reflection of my soul only a little better, and so i'm giving her the respect she deserves.
So an adieu is in order. I will not be writing anywhere else, not online, and not in any person offline journal either. Atleast not till the time i start feeling one with myself again.
If you can please pray that the atom can find her solace again in instability or in stability.
Thanks a ton for being such awesome readers and for considering my words worth of your attention!
CP and BP shall ofcourse continue the journey with me..
It was great being here.. Lets see what god has in store.. Even if many times we painfully want it to be in our hands- our pain and our joy, its all after all in god's hands.. So far i've always done things the way i wanted, atleast i like to believe so. So, its his turn now! A Dieu!

Copying a teacher, whom i lost out of a very terrible misunderstanding:
Ab ke hum bichde to shaayad kabhi khwaabon mein mile jis tarah sookhe huye phool kitaabon mein mile...

Can't write! There's this plain canvas and i've got all the colors i need and yet i just can't write.. Its become a pattern and possibly there is nothing new to write.. Its just the same things happening all the time.. There is nothing different.. In one of the most important aspect of my life, its just stuck in a limbo and there's nothing new to say or write.. its just the same things.. This rhythm needs to break.. This situation needs to change.. But what do you do when its not in your hands!? People say if its not in your hands worrying is not going to help. But what do you do when every waking moment thats all you can think of? You go through a lot of trouble to do something nice for yourself to make yourself happy, but that changes nothing, you come back at the end of the day and there is it to haunt you! Everything else that you do to make yourself happy is fake, cause you are not happy within naturally.. I've had enough of this and need out, but i need out in only one way, which is not in my hands.. So what do i do? I choose to remain rooted in this shit, and hope pray to god that some one will notice and change. Make the change which is in their hands alone. And i hope to god that what i've held on for so long doesn't go down the drain or its going to be all in vain.. i hope they realize this too.. Cause then all that everyone has gone through is really in vain.. And its so funny cause its in the hands of only that one person.. Just hope and pray its soon.. cause its been too late already.. Just wish they notice and ACT!

you were a wish on the breeze..
you were a breeze in summer..
you were the heat of summer..
you were the entangled limb in heat..
you were the strength of my limbs..
you were the heart of my strength..
you were the joy to my heart..
you were the core of every joy..
you were the core of me..
and i was yours..
Am..
Are you still?
The breeze comes through.. let it
The heat is there too.. let it stay
The strength of the core as not diminished.. see it
The joy is only inches away.. embrace it..
Will you?

I'm in a relationship with my phone..
He's there for me when i need
With something or the other to cheer me up
All he needs is some battery charging time when i sleep..
He stand by me through thick n thin..
Through fights and romantic nights..
He never complains and is always there when i need..
And the best part is i can carry him around everywhere!
I love my phone! :D :P

CP- I hereby declare that she has now veritably lost her mind!!
BP- So he does sleep with you?? hmmmm? :D :P ;) :D *fishy* *naughty eyes*