The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

I will have lost something tonight..
The night of judgement from all others..
I will have been freed tonight..
From all the tortures..
I will have met my dream tonight..
Of my white horse..
I will have died tonight..
For tonight is yet another night..

She lays..
As life trickles away.. dripping at her waist..
Where white cotton clings softly..
Strangely reassuring..
The sounds of the evening, the light flickers across her motionless eyes..
Lost in a haze.. aglow almost..
She lays..
The ticking of the clock synchronized with the dripping now..
Slowly falling out of harmony..
A sudden jump of movement and then back to the slow dying..
It was not painful anymore..
Just too slow for her usual pace..
Nothing seemed to move for an eternity..
She somehow still awaited..
Thin strands of life still coursed with rampant hope and desire..
And yet there she lay having given up..
The rats would start coming in any moment now..
Ravens were already at the window..
She hoped they would groped at her heart first and leave the eyes for last..
Cause he loved them the most.. everyone did..
Just the last bit of prayer she had..
Just the last bit of begging left to be done..
To the scavengers now- please leave my eyes to the last..
and hope you have a meal of your life, everyone did.

Within..

The tears of the sun will melt down upon us..
As the rain wages his own war..
The earth stays still, bearing both..
Silent, un-moving.
What choice does she have after all..
Daisies and melons grow alike from her bosom,
Feeding the wreck of man..
Still she stand
Waiting..
No escape..
An endless occupation when you harbor love in your heart..

Being scared of the result, at times I refuse to see/know it. Even if it has turned out to be what I wanted. So i fight against what i want, push it so hard that it won't even get time to reveal itself.
I'm scared of winning more than I'm of losing. Perhaps have got so used to losing that winning just doesn't seem probable, or i've turned into a die hard pessimist in the matters of heart, or i just want to be dramatic and a tragic hero or maybe.. I'm just scared.. of losing after having won..

Disgust courses through ever vein
Oozing out of the pores
And yet you don't understand?
What deed would deserve this
And what soul would bear it?
For you made my love turn to utter pure disgust.

You flew past..
And took all with you..
You even scratched away the bits set in the deepest corner of my soul..
And then you kept pulling me by the strings of me heart..
Dust rises in the air in a hurricane
As i struggling to stand up tall once more..
Bu you won't let me..
You pull me down and you pull me apart..
As a slave.. of your dead rotten conscience..

First of all, the sky always pours.
Then you met me where the afternoon meets evening..
And then you left me where we are not sure about turning the lights on or keeping them off.
So some turn them on and some off..
And some like you and me keep doing both..
So shall we wait for the place where night shines stars to take off our skins?
Cause our clothes are already off..