The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

a void.
The one after not knowing to drink water first or to breathe after a long tedious run.
The one after narrowly missing crushing a stray pedestrian on the street.
The one after a dog chases you down.
The one when you think you've found the perfect dress for your wedding.
The one when the phone flashes a long awaited long distance call.
The one when the entire universe seems to be flowering in a particular moment
The one when you are about to experience your first kiss...
The one when you meet you soul mate
The one when words lose all meaning
The one when you are left stranded at the altar, or at the threshold of love.. of life..

She playfully floats of her own accord..
Braving the unseen, unknown scapes and sounds
Her inherent nature..
Woody, hard and yet light..
She tags along when the wind leads her..
And so do the waves..
But some times they force her away..
She cannot survive without the sea..
Who is her reason to be..
They do overpower her and make her drown at times..
Against her will and against his too...
She bears it without a weep..
Lying quietly at the heart of her beloved..
Who swallows her helplessly weeping bitter tears..
For all those to traverse to watch..
A tale of a love, alive and yet not fulfilled..
A tale never told, a tale known and yet not repeated..
To be lived in death..
And yet not meant to die..
She floats to the heart.. and lays fulfilled..
While the ocean is thirsty.. as is his destiny..
She's still now and he wishes to float..

You walk out..
of the door, of the life..

You don't turn back..
While I watch you walk..

You laugh..
You care..
You belong..

You abandon your shell..
dark, cold, unloved..

You leave me behind..
dazed, broken, empty..

You look back..
May be notice a young woman wrinkled faded slight among all your memories smoked by age..
Holding on still, Watching as now it is time that tries to snatch you away..
Any you walk out..
You walk away, wiping the figments from you tired eyes..
Of a time in another galaxy, some other age.. when you were happy
A dream perhaps..

you walk out..
of the dream, of the world.. but never from my heart..

Will you cry your eyes dry?
Will you curse the heavens above?

Will you waste away like a wilted leaf waiting to be blown by the slight breeze?
Will you mourn like a melting candle?

Will you rejoice?
Will you remember?

Will you avenge?
Will you just let go?

Will you resume your life instant..
at just one call?
Will you throw it all away
at a moment's notice?

Will you follow or will you stay..
Will you insist, will you search?

Will you breakdown or stay strong

Will you drown yourself in an addiction, will you remember the face?
Will you remember the caress?
Will you remember the moments?

Will you forget, or make yourself forget?
Will you keep holding on?

What will you do.. Afterwards..

After i'm gone.. dead and gone..

Made of lies it feels,
And the feeling lies too..

All was a lie and then the lie lied..
A lie is better in a way, it stands for what it is..
Truth on the other hand has various versions.. (read somewhere)

I prefer lies at times, so long as it promises to stay..
But the truth will always stay and is not conditional so i prefer it always..

The tiny bug on the grass besides me,
The rustle of wind as you arrive...
The twinkle in you eyes that caresses me gently,
The taste that lingers on my lips..

The lies of it all and yet the truth..

Our lie is our truth..
And what lies beneath is the truth..

It is ours hence beautiful :)

A realization which in turn has many more following it like a chain of ducklings.. :)
The atom was and always me, though i maybe many more things than just it. This molecule will be incomplete without this atom! :)

Being a molecule does not mean giving up being an atom, that is exactly what i tried doing and hence i ended up doing many thing i could've avoided, if only i had not misinterpreted.

When someone falls in love with you, they love the person they met. When they try to change something about you, they don't mean to change the person they met and love! Its our misinterpretation that makes us believe that they want to change us!

So well welcome back my dear atom, though i know you never left.. You have you place rightfully back. I traveled, i liked some places, but nothing replaces my home, which lies with you and it is because of you that i found my home..

You have seen me grow and grow back.. :)

You have always been a faithful companion and a tolerant friend.

If you find the changes that i gathered while i was away, and those you will, please be patient, I'm still the same person, maybe a bit better a bit worse, but all in all the same core.

You graciously waited for me, something i am so bad at. Thank you..
I will learn from you. I will not say it was a mistake to go away, but a learning experience. You've taught me that everything is a learning. You've always shown me that. And you came back when you are needed the most. You give me strength to look at myself, you are the mirror i need, you are the paper i ponder over, you are my inspiration, no wonder i couldn't write much anywhere else.

There is no need for others when you are capable of being everything for me. The usual "friend, philosopher and guide" but much more, you are my eyes which help me look at myself, very much needed in time of such crisis when no one would quite understand.

You bring me peace, you bring me joy, you brought me my Bull.. there is nothing more i could've ask and i abandoned you. Please forgive me. i know you will understand, the Bull will too :)

The atom has grown like everything has to. Living in a molecule, picking up its qualities but not losing the atom-ness, her uniqueness.

Thank you for letting me back in. :)

Yours sincerely,

BP- yeah right you never wanted to come back!
CP- shut up, it was only a mask i wore, you know how people are back there! *shivers*
BP- yeah yeah yeah, scary mutt! :P hehehehahaha! i love laughing this way. *grin silly-ly*
CP- i love you!
BP- *choke* WAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!?!!?!?
CP- :)
CP- *suffocate*

welcome back guys!! :) :)