The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

A friend's recent status update on Facebook (have to mention the source) was "is it necessary to get a heart break to realise what is love???????"

Which made wonder if is it really a heart break which makes us realise what love is..
And the answer i found was no. I guess what a heart break does is just make us understand our capacity to love. Many times when people go through a heart break say either of the following things:
1) Why ME!! ALWAYS!! :(
2) He/she was a bitch / a*sehole
3) Now im never gonna love again
4) I'll show all these gals/guys what i am! (n start of ruining other people's life)

And the likes.

There are also some people who would be hurt, for a few days shall remain in the stupor, but later they will move on and love someone else maybe not with the same intensity but nonetheless truly..

Some people would completely move on and fall in love all over again with someone new..

But some rare few people, would continue loving the same person, no matter what..
Irrespective of all the hurt their "love" has inflicted..
They would continue loving them with all they have forever, they would refuse to get involved with anyone else, saying they can't.. And they would truly love.. The same person, who never looks back even once, in hope that they would return.. Some times not even hoping for anything!!

So, I believe, a heart break only helps you realise the capacity you have to love..
Well thats all i could think of! :)

[Again not exactly the way i wanted it to come out :-(]

I'm the master of the game now..
I shall pull the strings henceforth..
Wait and watch, for all the pain that you inflicted on me..
This shall be my sweet vengeance, and you wouldn't even notice!

You ignored my pleas,
I stumbled behind you as you chased your goals..
I prayed for you..
And you brutally crushed my dreams not to look back even once!

I promised you the sky and all the stars that it holds..
but yours was a different color..

Running through all the wilderness of the bright lights..
You found your calling,
And one fine day you re-surfaced..

I derive monstrous pleasure knowing you still anchor there where you left me to the winds..
Knowing I have my satisfaction
while you do not..

You made me the way I've become now,
You sucked out the innocence,
You drained it all out of me,
And now you come back for more..

You disgust me with your expectation..
You tire me with you worthless talk..
I care no more, can't you see?
But i still do somewhere maybe..
For I can never be you..

But I will control the game henceforth..
And you shall be my puppet..
You wouldn't even know,
When you submit yourself..
And then I shall have the last laugh..

I'm the master now.. and you shall be my slave..


-The Super Bitch

The moment when..
Your eyes met mine,
Our hearts beat faster,
The minds stopped working,
Colors were just a blur,
And the light burst out and then was no more,
No sight, no sound, no smell, no feeling, no taste..
Just the knowledge of us being there.
That one moment when..
Our lives became united,
That one moment..
Which changed me for all the times to come..
I thought this was it..
And then there were a few more..
One moment it takes to touch a heart, the way you touched mine..
One moment it takes to destroy it too..
One moment we were inseparable..
And then strangers for life..
One moment..

[This one is for a friend. The rest is all right there, read on. I wonder if we shall ever know]

I think I dreamed of you..
I'm hoping it was you..
Someone I'd known a while ago,
Or I thought i did too..

The way every crevice of my corpse came alive at your sight..
And filled up with intoxicating light..
Was it really a dream where I saw you?
I think I dreamed of you..
Last night, or may be it was a while ago..

Did I lose you in the misty glow of my closed eyes?
Or were you never there?
You seem so sure, so stable and solid..
You smile away at me..
My heart plummeting lower with every step you take,
and the insane hope keeps soaring higher..
You come close and you hold me as i let you..
And your mouth helps me taste you..
You are so there and yet so un-true..
I think I dreamed of you..
I think quite some time ago..
Or was it last night?

You are there I know, but you shall never be mine..
We both remain unaware of our meaning in each others life..
But we know the other exists..
Mortality has made us grow apart, Would death do otherwise?

Will you help me uncomplicate this mystery or shall we let it be?
Should we continue with our same old stories,
Or shall we find the root?

I didn't know you then..
And i know you not now too..
But I think I did dream of you..
I still do dream of you.. :)