The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

The early mornings, the hasty dressing up, the hum on the lips of the songs drumming in the ears, the eagerness to reach college, to see all the dear ones, the comrades, the friends..
The guiltless bunking of lectures, Nescafe hangout, greasy dull canteen food, the endless chattered, the lively laughter, the incessant jokes and pulling of legs, the scant tears and shining smiles..
And then suddenly one day everything turns upside down..
Trust is burnt inside out..
Insincerity and insensitivity flourishes ripely in every glance..
Ungratefulness oozes out of laughs and taunt glares..
Truth loses it meaning, humbleness evaporates in the heat of the humiliation..
The sweat and toil gone in trying to mold the heaps of mud was all distrusted,
Ungrateful little brats pushed it away while still nurturing children of my brain and imagination..
How will they know how to bring up the babies whom they have not borne?
And so the mistakes.. Grave ones.. For all to see and sneer at!
They shall not even notice, a crooked nose, a broken knuckle, a twisted hair strand..
They shall not care.. But i do. I still do..
They children now have no one to admire them.. And this is my vengeance..
A cold one.. A hurtful one.. But I am content..
Every time someone tells me about the mistakes they noticed..
The mistakes which these shameless cruel beings made while ignoring my authority.. While they were being know-it-all's, when all they had was ideas stolen from the womb of my brain..
Which they will take the credit for, something I never lusted for..
But the mistakes, its the mistakes and my knowledge which was left un-used that hurts..
I resembles the the hurt of a man when he can't relieve his manhood after being aroused by the love of his life..
It hurts when you have so much to offer and people are blind to it. Blinded cause they see the hardships too!
Blinded because they do not want to suffer while they learn..
Blinded by laziness to think to be different, to not get carried away by a fake breeze or a mirage in the dessert..
Its hurts.
But the feeling of vengeance has emerged and it is on its way to be completed..
I will know and so will the people who have enough power to understand the graveness of the actions of those imbeciles..
They however do not have the brain power or the desire to learn and so all they shall get is my pity.. I warn you all against such incompetent people.. Do ask and i shall tell.. Even if it burdens my heart to think of their deeds.. I shall talk, cause the world deserves better people and good hearts..

I'm the brute and I'm the angel..
I'm the mother and the lover..

I'm the blazing life-give sunshine, Tinkling on your shiny eyes..
And I'm the carnivorous parasitic moss, Eating away at your core and bless it with more..

I'm the love you hunt for all your life..
I'm the hate you shelter deep in your heart..

I'm the hunger that your words serenade..
And I'm the thirst that your blood splashes..

I reside within you..
I thrive without you..

I'm the moment you live..
I'm the instant you cease..

I'm the delicacies you consume..
I'm the waste you excrete..

I like you in your blue..
and I like you in your gay..

I wriggle around in your helpless soul..
I stagnate in your being..

I stay forever..
and I never exist..

Too much and too less..

I'm your addiction..
I'm your aversion..

You crave me and you can't bear me..

I possess you,
I dance to your tune..

I'm your shadow,
I'm your thought,
I'm your interior and your exterior,
I'm your owner and your slave,
I render you unfinished and I complete you..
I feel you, I abuse you, I entertain you, I anger you, I delude you, I cajole you..
I'm me and..
I'm you.

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet.. The throat clenches, squeezing out the salt..
Rubbing it all over again, etching it over the decayed wounds, bringing them back to life..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet..The tendons scream in revolt, the cells refuse to breathe..
Crushed beneath the painful shrieks of the corpse living outside the dynamic soul..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
Any yet.. The brain twists and turns, vomiting colors of black and grey..
Piercing the porous walls of the heart, oozing the liquid warmth, only to evaporate cold and frozen..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet.. The being is surrounded by the desperate desire to un-be..
To let go, to break free, to hold on tight..
Any yet.. It stays.. forever.. wanting, seeing, hearing, feeling..