The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

Your eyes have a twinkle in them,
mine yearn for your silhouette among the crowd..
Your touch makes the butterflies alive, n your breath elevates them and your thoughts keep them with me when you are gone..
I know not the reason for these words, unformed and entangled, yet wanting to burst out for you..
The feelings are still unknown, and i wish not to name them now..
Waiting for you to say something, do you feel the same too?
Or is it just me yet again?
But it has to be you.. This time it is you, its the way you make me feel..
What magic is it that you weave? Though it is no magic..!!
What is it that you make me feel?
I want no answers, these question are sweeter and the confusion seems dearer than any answer I ever yearned for..
You smile at me and the red sears through my cheeks..
You smile at this again and my eyes shine forgetting the world around me..
What is it that you do to me?
You make me realize the uselessness of words,
You make me realize how eyes talk, and help souls understand each other so well..
You make me realize who I am, you help me be me..
Hold my hand and help me see through..
Let my heart feels yours beat,
Just stay.. stay.. Help me answer questions that need to be answered, though neither wishes the answers to be said aloud, though we know what it is leading to and though it is the journey that we wish to make..
Just stay.. and tell me:
Is it just me again? Or is it you too? :)

Ever wondered about the various feelings which go hand in hand?
Like Hatred and anger..
Curiosity and fear..
Love and pain..
Protectiveness and ferocity..
Desire and recklessness..
So many combinations.. All go well with each other and mostly always arise hand in hand..
A couple that keeps visiting me frequently is hope and impatience..
A hope that things will get better and the impatience for them to get right sooner!

Sometimes i wonder if it is unnatural.. But then who is to decide what is natural?
Isn't natural something that sprouts from within with no conscious efforts to make it happen that way? So when something happens which is does not normally happen, we call it unnatural..
Why so? We can call it un-normal maybe.. But why unnatural? I feel most of the things which are not consciously induced or done are perfectly natural..

So this extreme hope which doesn't seem to leave me alone for long.. And the impatience that accompanies it, drives me crazy at times.. Because they just apear out of nowhere and demand to be accommodated and served!! But i'm left disturbed by the fact that i do not have the means to do so.. I do not know what kind of behavior is expected by them!!

There must be many such un-normal combinations which keep sprouting within us which maybe we tend to call confusion. Then we tend to get scared of them and break them apart and strengthen one of them.. But this choosing part leaves us tired and breaks us too.. So why call it unnatural when it is not? Why get scared of it if its new? Why not just try to understand and live it? :)

Well im living this combination since a long time.. And its doesn't seem too bad.. Its exciting if nothing else... And helps me in the quest of finding what it really is, and why i feel it.. :)