The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

The coldness of the rain water and the warmth of the sun..
The light and the dark, together they make beauty..
Un-expected, Un-timely rain..
Showers of hope intertwined with beauty and laced with fear of the unknown and unseen tomorrow..
Would it be soon as i feel it would?
The worse had arrived and it faded into the past..
The better is still un-arrived to pass..
Foggy silhouettes in the distant..
The rain and the sun make unknown love, un-experienced by any living being.. Showering all with their beauty.. Which they fail to appreciate.. fail to soak in, absorb..
Lost as always, yet knowingly this time.. The search never ends and so doesn't the journey..
Water and heat accompany me.. albeit at strange times and mostly never at the right one.. leading me to where I need to go..
Fear of the next moment and the wait for beauty persist.. Breaking free of the former i continue search for the later, waiting for the veil to be raised..
Waiting for the scare to be washed off, for the fear to be evaporated..
Would it happen soon? As this seemingly innocent phenomenon of the water and heat tells me it would..
They never spoke to me so positively..
However, this time, before opening their words, i knew what it is..
Hoping i'm correct this time too and so are they..
Hoping for the beauty of love and hoping for the fear to be destroyed.. Beauty Love Fear Hope.. or shall we go Hope Fear Love Beauty?? :-)

Struggling with a blunted twang from the past.. A wild bout of rain helped me squeeze into the present, with its shooting noisy rage and passion for meeting the earth. As if she found out he betrayed her and wants to make it up to her..
The cold freshness filled the air with feelings and emotions once long forgotten.. the sensations felt aeons ago in some other lifetime.. sounds and scenes unseen.. Yet the feelings linger.. What feelings are these, when were they felt, with whom and by whom?
The heavy drops of water make me light.. Make me nostalgic.. Take me away to a special place, somewhere long lost to the treacherous, bitter past.. Make me remember something long forgotten.. lost in the threads of time.. something beautiful and full of hurt.. yet i want to remember what it was.. what have i forgotten.. What had touched my heart so deeply and still i tore it away from me???
Why do i fail to remember? The sudden gush of cold wind.. The cool breeze caressing my open hair.. and my tired neck.. The sound of drops falling from leaves on the tin roof.. The chatter of friends, the music pumping from cell phones.. Everything reminds me of it.. But what is it, thats unknown.. All this has never happened before and yet it reminds me of something.. Which i treasured and held close to my heart, my each heartbeat reminds me of it thanks to this weather! Thanks to this time and this place and my being here..
I try to let go, but the feeling clings and it is so lovely.. I've forgotten it cause i wanted to.. I let it go and so I have it no more.. The unseen memory feels like heaven so what must the real thing have been?? Why did i lose it, and why can i not let go now.. Why do we remember things long forgotten, why do we rise the ghosts from their dusty graves and how can these rotten memories be so beautiful and how can this not hurt one bit? How can it soothe me and not make me restless? How can i be at peace in such a situation? How, What, When, Where and Who??