The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

A few more blank spaces..
I filled some and they created some more..
Beweildered I look back on the moments flown past,
But lost as always I found nothing unusual in those irregularities..
Haplessly I trudge along,
Pushing and panting, searching for a way,
On the path of smooth and shiny uneveness.
Nothing seems to bother the hurricane in my brain..
He lives on all emancipating silent strength,
All through the turmoil, he has to bear all my efforts to satiate him, to calm him,
But he doesn't budge a bit!
He carries on stubborn and unrelenting..
Confounding me with a power heitherto unexperienced..
Bringing to me a light unbearlably unseen..
I bow my head in gratification with a degree of defeat,
I needlessly entrust him with the right to command my soul,
I confer upon him the title of my Master.
And then he creates yet some more blanks spaces,
For me to fill, along with him..
Another master and a new love..
And a few more blank spaces..

- Prachi J.

Three months and 14 days! Phew!! Not quite a long chunk of time and yet it seems like ages! May be this quality of time of seeming to be more in quantity than it actually is, is owing to the quality of time that we have spent. Ahh confusing isn't it? Lets see. Since July there has been so much happening that I haven't come to know how these three months have flown by. Thanks to the post graduation schedule.. They have been a good three months of 70% pseudo hard work and a 30 of genuine. Though the pseudo took up much of the time and energy so it will be unfair to call it pseudo! :-) :-)Looking back on the self that I was when I wrote the last post, I seem to have come a quite long way. It seems pretty far in the past but its unlike the past which gives you the feeling of just having stepped into the past. Letting go has become a habit and yet there is not getting used to it. How much ever you try you cannot shake of things people and feelings that you get used to liking and having around you.. So letting go is indeen a herculean task be it for any living or dead thing having a connection with you. Yet it seems as if I've managed to surmount this difficult task which is as vital as emptying you bowels, and make it as easy a chore as brushing your teeth.. After all you do empty your heart when you let go, and it is NOT as easy as emptying you bowels, on the contrary its more like you heart is constipated. Constipation hurts a lot is not good and neither is it good if your heart goes through desentry! Mine seems to be the latter.

So yes that means that I've been able to let go, perphaps I should thank the gruelling schedule of my new abode of knowledge and the specific teacher who has made the schedule that way, I wonder if even in his wildest dreams had he dreamt that his idea would help a student of him in this way.. ;-) I also wonder if it shall be possible for my little brain to take any more academic torture due to the acts of the same professor..

A little help in the form of moral support could do the trick. Its safe to say that some things in the past, experiences undergone have made me bias about the relation I share with person from whom the “moral support” comes. It would be wise to be honest and accept that no experiences, people and things bear any relation with the bias I hold about having the moral support from a certain specific person who has a different place in my life. That space which needs to be filled, which I try to fill forcefully at times, that I’ve tried to fill every time life presented me with a new option, or I thought it was an option. I still continue to think that every new factor that enters the machine of my life is the nut which can fill in the blank space.. That one blank space. An life would be complete. But what would be the meaning of life if it would be completed, wouldn’t it mean the end? Life is still alive because it is incomplete; it is death which is completion, of anything or any being. For anything to be perfect, all ingredients have to be there in the right amount, imperfection is one of the very important ingredients, and so what is perfection without a dash of imperfection? So let us enjoy the incompleteness and imperfection.. The blank spaces.. :-) Cheers!

"If life is fair to everyone every time, it shall cease to exist"

"Life is all a long dream, death is but the awakening"

- Prachi J

(The second one might have been discovered before by someone else, it just struck me in class one day so put it here. The first one is entirely my creation)