The Unstable Atom

Reflecting over life through weird, crazy, ever changing, euphoric, absurd, confused and at times impartial lenses -a journey of curiosity and questions with my two alter egos.. as I try to fall out of the stagnation of instability.. or the desperate attempt to remain..

Broken. Bleeding. Beaten. Waiting to be buried at the hands of love.. Knowing full well that this last wish will not be granted, the small splintered heart shall always be waiting, looking out from its bed of bloody fragments, though the rest will move on.. It shall always throb with your love like the pulse in your neck on the emerald grass.. It shall go on knowing that, though you are not around, you walk the same earth as its feet, you breathe the same oxygen air as its nose, you have the same sky for your shelter as its head does, you drink water from the same waters as its mouth does. Loving itself for you have touched it. Conquered it. and you shall always stay in it, which is rightfully your home. I shall suffer more than ever, I'm aware of that fact but I shall wait.. Like never before.. For you..

CP- Oh my thats some story!! Great love and all that.
BP- Sob Sob.
CP- Ha ha. Ya right BP!!
BP- *grin*
CP- Thank god for a moment I thought you actually thought it to be true AND felt something!
BP- Now accept that I can act! I rock man!

What does one do when all the emotions come together have wreck havoc on you senses? Rather only one feeling wages a war against all the rest and still persists? Leaving the brain as well as the heart incapable of pursuing anything other than experiencing the feeling. When you are completely unable to define it and yet know its color taste and feel so well as if it has been with you every moment of you life.. When you try to get rid of it, it clings on. If you let go, it still holds on and when you accept it, it still stays there throbbing with life more lively and joyous than ever! If the feeling is so joyous why doesn't always bring joy to the person to whom it belongs? Why, when the sentiment in itself is so pure and radiates life, are there patches of time when the emotion at its high brings a wave of sadness with a ting of foreboding? Is it just to make one realize that this happiness may not stay forever? or to make one realize the worth and importance of being able to feel such a thing? Should these doubts be left untouched? Will the search for a solution soil its purity? One should just carry on and feel it to the fullest. Doubts may not make it weaker cause maybe these questions too are the children of the feeling itself..

YIPPEE!! Exam's over! Thats what you would get to hear nearly every half hour if you are around me since yesterday. Yes the much awaited day has finally done the favor of arriving! The end of the war can be termed as happy for the simple reason that its an end. With many of the poor grey cells slaughtered, the remaining ones which were prepared to fight still not able to digest the shock of start of the battle and under the impression that its still going on continue to mar my dreamland with various confused answers of different subjects making me wake up sweating and close to screaming only to the realization that its nothing but illusions of my poor tired, beaten and helpless brain cells. My hand that instinctively reaches out for d book shelf and again I realize that something is wrong as its not the right place for my hand to go as the exam has just finished!!

So after having dealt with the scary illusions and involuntary movements of hand, I try to think of the many things which I'm at a complete liberty to indulge in (that is without the feeling of guilt which otherwise is continuously hammering at my soul). Suddenly, however, I feel lost as my mind goes blank (more than usual, that is) for not having anything concrete at hand and again I go to the book shelf, this time voluntarily, to get out the old n dog eared notebooks which have still been preserved since 7-8 years, having a few of my creations itched on them in ink. Going through the much worn off papyrus made the treasured memories which had been safely tucked in the safety vault gush out, like water does when the earth is struck at the precise point beneath which the treasure lies.

CP and BP both seem to agree that a few of my childish creations deserve a place on the blog. I'm still debating with them but I don't think my side stands much chance in front of them and some other people who have made similar demands.

So starting with re-writing my poems on fresh pages I have entered into the much desired state of doing what I want, WITHOUT being taunted and questioned, that is! :-)

BP- Chase them off!
CP- I'm thinking bald!
BP- I'm thinking blue..
CP- Today is special!
BP- Cheers! (I get the last word)

(Ya, its one of the precious few days when both seem to agree on the same thing)